The Insanity Plot

Last night I was fairly certain that my pets were plotting to drive me fully and utterly insane. I got into bed at 12:45. Within 15 minutes, my dog was sitting up in his kennel, making super annoying little moans and cries. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I got  up and took him out for a potty break. He delivered, so I assumed that was the problem and snuggled back under the covers with my 5 pillows. Within 20 minutes, quiet (but very annoying) growls started drifting my way. I attempted the SHHHH sound. The dog is typically well-behaved, so imagine my shock when he was yipping and barking low, muffled barks by 1:35. I thought that perhaps Lassie was trying to save the day, so I got up and checked to make sure everything in the house was ok. The stove and oven were off, the iron, etc. I checked all the locks on the doors, and looked out of the windows to see if perhaps something outside was disturbing him. With everything checking out normally, I once again crawled back into bed to catch some Zzzz's. 2:15 a.m.--annoying whines filled the room again. I got up, and moved the kennel into the living room and closed the door. Angry, indignant barks followed. I got up again, and moved the kennel next to my bed. Then I administered a rare dose of doggie discipline. Feeling as if I had gotten my point across, I once again got back in my bed. Blissful quiet until almost 3:10, when the dog once again started whining and being generally obnoxious. By this time I had reached that point that you see parents reach in the check-out line at the grocery store when little Billy wants a candy bar. They will literally do anything just for some peace and quiet. I opened up the kennel and stuck the little monster next to me in the bed (I HATE  having little furry things in my bed). The next thing I know the cat is sitting on top of the dog, boxing his head with amazing moves, and the dog is crawling all over Richard, waking him up too. By this time my mind is racing towards my next move. I put his kennel into the walk-in closet. Boy did that ever NOT work. The cat sat outside the closet door and annoyed the dog. I'm sure he was just rubbing it in that he was FREE. By this time I STORMED out of the bed (4:05 a.m.), to retrieve the barking dog from the closet. I grabbed the dog, looked him straight in the eyes, and crossed that line straight to insanity. "I NEED TO SLEEP!!! BE QUIET!!! STOP BARKING!!! YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE BED, YOU CAN SLEEP WHEREVER YOU WANT, JUST SHUT UP!!!" The dog looked at me with his beady eyes, and seemingly satisfied that he had pushed me over the edge, proceeded to snuggle up next to us in the bed and slept soundly until 8:30 a.m.